


In Sickness (And In Health)

by JinxedAmbitions



Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Sick Cougar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4727573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JinxedAmbitions/pseuds/JinxedAmbitions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of all the Losers, Cougar was the one to get sick most often—the man had a knack for picking up a cold even six months past cold season.  He was notoriously cranky when ill but with good reason. All of his friends were not to be trusted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Sickness (And In Health)

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a six hundred word tumblr fic about Cougar being cranky, and then I got carried away as per usual, and here we are at about 6k words.
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful beta Elle for helping me edit this one a lot.

Of all the Losers, Cougar was the one to get sick most often—the man had a knack for picking up a cold even six months past cold season. When they were on mission, Cougar would sooner die than complain about how he could barely breathe, or how everything ached. Not that it stopped the guys from teasing him mercilessly. Especially about the Snot Scarf. Cougar couldn't exactly help it; when he was waiting on a target, it was either blow his nose on the scarf or let it leak all over his face. Both were disgusting, but the former was more comfortable.

At least when they were stateside, Cougar could hole up in his apartment until it passed. How he continued to get sick leave he'd never know, but he guessed it didn't hurt to be best friends with the Army’s top hacker.

Besides no one visited when Cougar was sick—while he was prickly under ordinary circumstances, Cougar would admit he more than lived up to his namesake when he was ill. No one that is but Jensen, because Jensen wouldn’t know self-preservation if it hit him in the face.

Lo and behold, the next time he came down with something, Jensen showed up with six bags of groceries. Cougar ended up dragging himself out of his recliner to help Jake carry them in from his shitty old Civic. He returned to his seat as soon as the bags were on the counter, and was just getting comfortable when, not thirty seconds later:

“Cougar, where do you keep your big pots?”

Cougar held in a groan as he got up to show him. He needed a tissue anyway. Then it would be right back to his chair. There should be something on TV that he could fall asleep to...

“Cougs, which drawer are the big mix-y spoons in?”

...Or not.

“You didn’t have to get up. You could’ve told me,” Jake scolded as Cougar dragged himself to the kitchen again, socked feet shuffling across the hardwood floors.

Cougar couldn't even hiss at him; he lost his voice the day before and didn't see himself getting it back anytime soon. He settled for a withering glare.

“Put the laser eyes away. If those things get redder, you’ll be weeping blood,” Jake said, shooing him back to his chair.

Sighing tiredly, Cougar actually managed to settle into his blanket before Jake called out, “Do you have any—” and Cougar threw the closest thing to him at the doorway of the kitchen. He heard Jake yelp before he came storming into the living room, glaring at him like _Cougar_ was the inconvenience.

He would've laughed it didn't hurt like hell.

“I came over to help you feel better. Why are you being a massive dick?” Jake asked, tapping his booted foot in annoyance.

“Go away,” Cougar wheezed back.

“I did not give you this awesome kitty case just so you could test how indestructible it is on me.” Jake held up Cougar’s cell phone (which must have been the projectile. Cougar wasn't sure because he didn’t look when he threw it) setting it, unharmed, just out of Cougar’s reach.

Cougar narrowed his eyes; he wasn't a child, and he certainly wasn't Jake’s child. The man could barely take care of himself, let alone think he could boss Cougar around. Instinctively, Cougar reached for a new projectile. But Jake was quick, grabbing Cougar’s wrist before he could launch the remote at his head.

“Are you kidding me? I will put sedatives in your soup if you’re going to be an asshole. I did not get you extra sick days just so you could brain me with small electronic devices,” Jake threatened, wrestling the remote from his hand.

Cougar couldn't compete with Jake’s strength, not when he'd only had about three hours of sleep over the past two days.

As soon as Jake stepped back, Cougar sucked in a garbled breath, hating the way his lungs ached, how it felt like breathing through a straw. Jensen's stern expression dropped—Cougar hated that too.

“Hey, let me get you some water,” Jake said, sounding far too soft to be talking to a highly lethal soldier. Out of spite, Cougar picked up a coaster from the table and, as Jake walked away, hit him right in the ass with it. He might be sick, but that didn't mean he was incapable of violence.

Jake gave him the finger without turning around. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as Cougar hoped it would be.

Still, Jake came back with the promised water, pulling a hot pink straw out of his pocket as he held the glass to Cougar's lips. His glasses were off, and Cougar could see that Jensen looked almost as exhausted as him.

So for once he didn't say (or try to say) anything, and sipped from the straw without fighting it.

“Sorry I keep disturbing you. I should know where everything is by now, I’ve only been coming over almost every night for the last few years,” Jake told him as Cougar continued to sip the water—how could it both hurt like hell to swallow and feel wonderfully soothing at the same time? “I’m gonna make some soup, and you can just rest. I’ll figure out where stuff is.”

Cougar startled when Jake pushed his hair out of his face for him. “Want me to get you another glass before I start cooking?” His voice was all soft and tender again, so Cougar nodded, and Jake went to refill the glass.

Cougar must have dozed because the next thing he was aware of was a cool cloth on his forehead. He opened his eyes slowly to find Jake frowning down at him.

“You passed out while I was getting you water, and you started having fever dreams almost immediately. Your temperature is still pretty high I think.” He reached around to rest his hand on the back of Cougar’s neck. Cougar shivered at how cool Jake’s hand felt.

“These will probably hurt like hell to swallow, but you need to get them down before you’re out again.” Jake dropped a couple of tablets into Cougar’s hand and grabbed the water, the straw once again at Cougar’s lips.

Cougar sipped then took the pills. It took several more sips to get them down. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this awful; it was probably sometime during the Q, but at least his body had a reason to feel awful when he was constantly pushing it to the brink. Right now, it had no excuse.

“I called Clay. He thinks you may have picked something up where we were, and wants you on base. I told him to fuck off or come get you himself. He changed his tune when he heard that,” Jake told him, peeling away the blanket that was still wrapped tightly around Cougar. “Pooch said Jolene will come by when she finishes her shift at that hospital.

Cougar tried to speak, but it came out as a faint wheeze.

“Christ, Cougs! You up for some soup, or you just want me to help you to bed?” Jake asked him, pushing his sweat damp hair off his face again.

Cougar tipped his chin toward the bathroom, and Jake gave him a nod, helping him up out of the chair. Standing was hell on his equilibrium, and Cougar was ashamed to admit that most of his weight plowed right into Jake’s strong arms.

“Yeah, let’s just take this slow,” Jake told him, supporting Cougar as they walked to the bathroom. Having no shame after years in the military, and he relieved himself with Jake still tucked under his shoulder, supporting his weight.

Then, halfway back to the chair, Cougar lost all sense of up from down, but before he could collapse, he felt himself floating. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around Jake’s neck and let his head follow until it was pillowed against Jake’s shoulder.

Jake’s words didn't make sense, but Cougar recognized his voice just the same and let the familiarity of it sooth him. He thought Jake carried him to the couch and settled down with him, but he couldn't be sure.

The next time he woke, he was in the tub, and he was freezing. Strong arms held him as he thrashed, and he had to concentrate to get his body to stop fighting. He opened his eyes to find Jolene smiling down at him reassuringly, still in her work scrubs. Jensen was behind him, also in the tub, and his own skin felt like it was trying to melt off his body.

Head falling back against Jake’s shoulder, he heard Jake mutter something about cat scratches, and Cougar felt bad because he was clearly an awful patient even when he was incoherent. But then Jake’s cheek pressed against his, and he knew he was forgiven for whatever he’d done.

\---

He knew when the fever broke because Jake started shifting around on the bed, complaining weakly about how everything, including himself, was soaked. Cougar opened his eyes to find Jake was braced over him, a cloth pressed to his skin, cleaning away the abundant sweat.

“Hey you. We’re both kinda disgusting right now, but you should be feeling a little better soon,” Jake told him, and Cougar noted that Jake’s shirt was dark and sticking to his body. It was rather disgusting, but Cougar didn't have the energy to be embarrassed. Jake didn't really seem to mind anyway. They’d bled on each other before. What was a little sweat?

“You know who I am?” Jake asked, once again brushing Cougar’s hair out of his face. Right then, Cougar was tempted to shave it all off because it felt gross stuck to his skin. Cougar nodded, still doubting the ability of his vocal chords, but he reached up to grab Jake’s hand as it pulled away.

“Hey, no need to apologize. You’re sick. You get a pass,” Jake told him, letting his hips rest against Cougar’s. It was far from sexual; even Jensen wouldn’t flirt at a time like this.

Cougar squeezed his hand tighter. “No, stop apologizing, Cougs. I’m not mad. That was one hell of a fever you had. Even Jolene said you were icky.” Jake squeezed back in acceptance. They’d been able to communicate without much more than a touch or a look since just months after Cougar joined the team. It unnerved the others, but Cougar never really thought about how odd it seemed from the outside. He and Jake just knew each other that well.

“You need anything? You should probably hydrate when you can because you were in bad shape, and now you’re still losing water fast,” Jake noted, wiping again at Cougar’s brow. Cougar closed his eyes, and reminded himself that this was Jake, and there was no reason to be embarrassed by his own body in front of him.

“Stop that,” Jake said, tapping his nose gently with his finger. Cougar bared his teeth. “You’re breath is fifty shades of awful, so please shut your mouth.” Cougar’s lips snapped shut.

Grabbing the glass of water off the nightstand, Jake helped Cougar sit up against the mountain of pillows and couch cushions. He looked like he’d been punched in both eyes, the circles around them were so dark. Jake caught Cougar’s wrist before he could touch Jake’s face with his shaking hand.

“I promise I’ll sleep as soon as you finish your water, and we get you cleaned up,” Jake told him, wiggling the straw until Cougar took it between his lips again. “I know you’re not a child, but you’ll get better faster if you let me help you instead of locking yourself in and suffering through it,” Jake said, reading Cougar’s narrowed eyes perfectly.

Cougar sighed, finishing his water. Jake was the best pain in the ass that ever happened to him, but he was still exhausting. Cougar couldn't even fight him when Jake pulled him into his arms—they had a rule that if they were coherent, they were not to be carried, but Jake had clearly chosen to ignore that in favor of the quickest way of getting them both to the bathroom.

Once seated, Jake helped him out of his t-shirt, which he’d only been wearing since the bath, but it was still absolutely disgusting. Jake suggested burning it, and Cougar thought he might agree. His pants weren't much better, and Cougar couldn't even look at the state of his boxers as Jake tossed them all to the floor.

Cougar wanted to make jokes about how often Jake gave sponge baths as Jake carefully cleaned his sweaty skin, but he was weak and naked, and Jake was the only thing holding him together. So, he settled for leaning forward, resting his head against Jake’s stomach as Jake washed his back.

“Whoa, don’t do that, or I’ll start to worry again,” Jake said, burying his fingers in Cougar’s hair and massaging. “You’re never this docile.”

“Thank you,” Cougar said. It was barely audible, and it was cracked and broken, but Jake patted him on the back in understanding.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you’d tried the first batch of soup I made. I wasn’t aware you could burn soup until today.”

Cougar snorted, lifting his hand to pat Jake’s hip; Jake wasn't a bad cook, but he was an easily distracted one which could result in all sorts of disasters.

Refusing to be carried back to bed naked, Jake hovered close as Cougar staggered back by his own power, stripping the bed in record time before Cougar collapsed onto the clean sheets.

Neither of them spoke as Jake climbed in behind him, wearing nothing but clean boxers, and wrapped his arm around Cougar’s waist. Cougar squeezed his hand when Jake pressed his nose to the base of his neck.

\---

Cougar woke before Jake in the morning, still not feeling well, but good enough to carefully remove himself from Jake’s grasp and make his way out of the bedroom.

He walked around the apartment naked, picking up the mess Jake managed to make during Cougar’s bout of flu or whatever the hell that had been. He remembered when Jake lived with him for a week between apartments a year ago, and by day three Cougar had had it with Jake’s perpetual mess. That was why Jake didn't live in the spare room. Cougar was waiting for the day Jake could come over and not destroy the place, so he could ask Jake to live with him, but it was slow in coming.

Cougar was shaking by the time the apartment was tidy again, so he went to find something to help him get his strength back. Opening the fridge, he found a bowl of ground beef mixed with peppers, onions, and other vegetables. He smiled as he pulled it out; Jake had been busy while he was passed out.

Jake had trouble with the nuances of recipes, so most of his signature meals were massive bowls filled with the ingredients instead of cooked separately. They were always delicious if a bit unconventional. Jake once made a bowl with ground beef, mac‘n’ cheese, spinach, and red peppers, which had been unique to say the least.

Cougar was heating them both some of the mix when Jake walked out of the bedroom, scratching his belly. He wasn't wearing his glasses, and Cougar kicked a chair out of the way because Jake’s depth perception was shit when he was waking up.

“You should be resting. I’ll take care of this,” Jake yawned. He moved into Cougar’ space, grabbing the spatula out of the dish rack and moving the ingredients around in the pan. Cougar still couldn't talk, so he leaned back into Jensen in thanks, and Jake wrapped his free hand around Cougar’s waist from behind. “Hop in the shower while I get us set up because you are gross,” Jake told him, patting his belly lightly.

Cougar did as he was told because he was feeling good enough to rein in his rude behavior. He still flipped Jake off when Jake patted him on his bare ass as he walked away. At least Jake didn’t tap him in the balls for how much of an ass he was the day before. Cougar was aware he deserved that kind of retribution, but that wasn't Jake’s style. He'd take anything Cougar threw at him, even a coffee coaster to the ass, because Jake was under the ridiculous impression that he was hard to deal with.

Cougar thought Jake couldn't be more wrong. Sure Jake talked a lot. Sure he’d been coming over to Cougar’s apartment for years and still didn't know where the pots were. Sure he made a mess no matter how long he stopped by for, but Jake wasn't difficult. He was interesting. He was genuine. He was always caring. He was funny. People who didn't see that, didn't see it because they didn't want to, not because Jake was in some way lacking.

\---

Cougar came out of the shower wearing just a towel, only to find Clay, Pooch, and Jolene standing in the living room with an apologetic looking Jake. Cougar cocked his head.

“Um, I tried to tell them they didn’t need to come,” Jake answered the unvoiced question, looking like he wanted to run and hide.

“Why are you out of bed?” Jolene asked, crossing her arms.

Cougar shrugged. He had never missed words as much as right now if he could've, he would've told them all to leave.

“Dude, we almost had to rush you to the hospital last night. You should not be wandering around,” Pooch added, taking his wife’s side. Cougar couldn't blame him because Jolene was not to be crossed.

“You nearly gouged Jake’s eyes out,” Clay added unhelpfully. “You’re lucky that Pooch came with Jolene because you’re fucking strong when you’re delirious.” Cougar wasn’t aware of that, but now he saw that Jake had deep bruising on his face, and he shrank back, gulping.

Jake looked pissed off.

“This isn’t a fucking intervention guys. He’s feeling better, and that’s what counts, so lay the fuck off,” he growled, coming to stand in front of Cougar like a mother bear.

“He should know what happened, and you weren't going to tell him,” Clay said, and Cougar didn't like the accusing tone he was using even more than the fact that he was right—Jake wouldn’t have told him.

“This isn’t helping him get better.”

“No, bed rest would help that,” Jolene said. She was clearly here as the medical professional while Pooch and Clay came along to be a pain in the ass.

“You want to carry his ass to bed?” Jake asked her, before turning to Clay and Pooch. “You two can wait outside because now is not the time for the 'Cougar’s an asshole when he’s sick' intervention. You can do that after the next time you two get sick and are a complete delight to deal with.”

Cougar stepped forward and pressed his fingers to the small of Jake’s back—It was how they showed they had each others' backs when they couldn't use words. It had also become their way of saying thanks.

“So, either play nice and leave Cougar in peace, or actually leave until he’s ready to take your shit,” Jake finished.

“He’s still a pain in the ass when he’s sick,” Pooch said, walking over to the couch and taking a seat. Clay followed him, leaving Jake to face off with Jolene.

“He needs rest,” she repeated.

Cougar knew he did, but he wasn’t going to get any with everyone fussing. He pressed harder against Jake’s naked back.

“Cougar says that he can’t relax with everyone here,” Jake told her. Cougar let his thumb stroke over Jake’s spine. Jake leaned into the touch just the barest amount, but Cougar knew he was enjoying it.

“Make sure that he’s getting plenty of fluids, and no beer and tequila don’t count as fluids. Make sure he’s getting sleep, so no distracting him.” She gave them both a pointed look. Cougar just shrugged. Jake’s mere existence was a distraction, but Cougar was not about to give that up or ask him to leave.

“I will be back after my shift,” she told them, and Cougar read the warning loud and clear. She better not find them surrounded by pizza and beer while watch crappy scifi movies like the last time Cougar was sick. “Feel better,” she finally said before shooing both Pooch and Clay out of the apartment.

“Sorry, last night was rough. I didn’t know if your fever would break, or if we’d need to wrestle you into the tub again,” Jake explained, walking into the kitchen where their breakfast was getting cold. “They didn’t believe me when I said you were feeling better...”

Jake talked through breakfast, still not wearing his glasses. Cougar could see where he'd clawed at the corner of Jake’s left eye. Jake was lucky; Cougar could gouge one out faster than someone could put up a defense.

He reached across the table and grabbed Jake’s wrist, squeezing.

“Stop. You had no idea what you were doing. My eyes are fine. The bruising and scratches will heal, and I’ll get my spare glasses as soon as I go back to my apartment,” Jake told him, taking Cougar’s hand in his.

Jake sighed as Cougar ducked his head. “I’m not going to pretend to be mad just so you can feel guilty about it. If you want to be sorry for something, feel sorry about the bruise on my ass because you got me good with that damn coaster yesterday just to be a dick.”

Cougar couldn't fight his smile. He lifted his head, giving Jake a significant look.

“Put that eyebrow away. If you try to kiss my ass and make the pain go away, I will punch you,” Jake told him.

Cougar grinned and rose out of his seat.

“Don't you dare!” Jake yelped, falling out of his chair to get away, only opening him up for an attack that Cougar dove for, dropping his weight on top of Jensen, and trying to wrestle him onto his stomach. Jake was having none of it, quickly rolling Cougar underneath him and pinning him to the floor. Cougar was panting hard, and the room was spinning slightly.

“You're an idiot. You are definitely not well enough for impromptu wrestling,” Jake told him, though his voice wasn't actually reproachful. Cougar once found a sick Jake playing Wii tennis, so Jake understood the itch to be out of bed and normal. “Come on. We'll watch trashy morning television until we fall back to sleep,” he suggested, helping Cougar to his feet and over to the couch in the living room. Cougar turned on Springer while Jake collected some blankets and pillows.

They ended up snuggled together until they both fell asleep while an audience member was assaulted by one of the guests for telling them they were an awful person.

\---

Cougar woke in bed again to find Jake sharing his pillow with him; how he hadn't caught Cougar's illness yet was beyond him, though he probably ate enough dirt as a kid that he had the antibodies to fight just about anything.

Cougar watched Jake sleep, studying the damage he'd done to Jake's face with regret. He hated to hurt Jake even if he was aware that he couldn't have controlled it. Cougar dealt with Jake when he was injured—which was far more often than he was sick—and even if Jake was annoyed about the injury or in pain, he was docile. He never struck out at Cougar violently. He'd attacked other people, like Roque when he made one too many jokes at Jake's expense after an embarrassing injury. But he only ever regularly thanked Cougar for looking out for him.

Cougar reached out and ran his thumb alongside the scratches. Jake twitched, and reached up to take Cougar's hand in his.

“Stop worrying,” he whispered, pulling Cougar's knuckles to his lips and kissing them softly.

Cougar couldn't speak to tell him that he wished he was as gentle as Jake was, but he knew Jake would just scoff and tell him fifty different times he was gentle. Jake always built him up, and Cougar never had the words to return it.

“Stop worrying. You think I don't know what you're saying just because my eyes are closed?” Jake asked, still not opening them. “By the way, your boner is poking me in the thigh, and you are so not healthy enough for bff handjobs.”

Cougar snorted, and it hurt like hell. He was inclined to agree with Jake's diagnosis. “Not your b-f-f,” he managed to croak.

“That hurts, Coug. I even wove us matching bracelets,” Jake teased, and Cougar rolled his eyes, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Jake's forehead.

“Make me a ring, and I will think about it,” Cougar rasped, then froze, realizing the implication of his words. He'd only said it because he wore rings more often than bracelets. He hadn't meant to suggest...

“You're such a traditionalist. We have complementary head gear. What more could we need to show our soulmate status?”

Cougar rolled his eyes.

“Don't you dare insult the pirate hat like that. It's been nothing but good to you.” Jake finally opened his eyes, and man was the injured one red.

Cougar jerked him closer to study his bloodshot eye. Jake groaned—he was clearly aware of this development and had been trying to hide it for as long as possible.

Stroking Jake's cheek, Cougar sighed, pressing a kiss to the corner of Jake's sore eye. “I'm sorry.”

“You don't need to be. We've always got each others' backs,” Jake said, wrapping his arm around Cougar. “What's a little eye gouging between friends? It's not like my eyes were that functional to begin with.” His genuine laugh made Cougar feel hollow.

Cougar shook his head. Jake could brush things off so easily. Everything rolled off Jake like it didn't matter, but it did to Cougar. He pressed his hand over Jake's heart, and they laid in silence for several moments before Jake started to squirm. Cougar glanced up into Jake's eyes, letting his own eyes ask what was wrong.

“Um, so, question,” Jake said, still wiggling like an anxious child.

Cougar nodded, running his hand down Jake's chest to rest on his hip, stopping the movement from his core.

“So, if I promise to clean the messes I make in the kitchen and pick up after myself when I play around with my stuff in the living room, can I move in with you yet?” Jake asked, tangling their feet together.

Cougar snorted even though it hurt. Jake could be adorably aware of his shortcomings. Cougar knew that Jake would have the best of intentions, but he really wouldn't change anything.

“Aw come on, Cougs. I made you dinner-breakfast when you were sick, and look,” Jake said, pointing to his eye, “war wound from your crazy sharp kitty claws! I've earn the spare room. Well, I mean my computers have earned the spare room. I've obviously earned a spot in your cloud-like massive bed. Seriously, what is this thing made of? Are angels cradling us?”

Cougar rolled his eyes. He was still too sick for this. “You do my laundry from when I was sick, and you may stay,” Cougar told him, his throat on fire by the time he finished the sentence.

“Seriously?” Jake looked horrified. He had every right to be. “I have to beat the Snot Scarf boss in order to level up to Cougar's crazy nice apartment status?”

Cougar nodded gravely. This would kill multiple birds with one stone. First, Cougar certainly didn't want to go near that laundry because he was no less disgusted by the scarf than anyone else, and his clothes from last night were no treat either. Second, it served Jake right for teasing him about the scarf with the others. Third, Cougar was out of clothing and too sick to be bothered with laundry. He was probably going to need to put pants on before he was completely better, so this was a necessary evil

“I take it back. I'll stay at my apartment with the cockroaches and the mice. It's okay Cougs, I don't need the best night's sleep on this angel supported bed or access to your refrigerator. I'll just go on...”

Cougar rolled over. He'd set his rule, and no amount of whining was going to change Cougar's mind.

“You are such an asshole when you're sick. I don't know why I bother taking care of you. You just are mean to me as soon as you're feeling up to the task again,” Jake grumbled, climbing out of bed and picking discarded clothes off the floor. He made aggrieved faces at Cougar every time he picked something up even if the article was Jake's own.

Cougar smiled at him, snuggling into the blankets. He'd have enough time to fall back to sleep while Jake took care of that. He never loved sleep so much as when he was ill.

\---

Cougar woke to the sound of cursing in the living room. Fuzzy headed, he climbed out of bed, opening drawers to find them full of clean, neatly folded clothing. Even Cougar's boxers. Jake had gone all out.

Cougar pulled on boxers and sweatpants, leaving his chest bare, and stepped out of his room to find all of the Losers helping Jake move furniture around his living room. Cougar came very close to yelling, but as he opened his mouth he remembered how much pain his throat would be in if he spoke. Instead, he knocked his fist against the wall to get their attention.

All eyes turned to him, and Cougar looked at them expectantly. Jake didn't look apologetic this time. He looked downright smug. The bastard.

“They're helping me move in,” Jake said, displaying a falsely innocent smile.

Cougar motioned to all of the furniture he'd never seen before, and he had been to Jake's apartment before. The thing had been furnished in what Jake had referred to as curbside specials. Not a single piece matched, though some of the stains had been disturbingly similar.

“Well, I couldn't bring that old stuff into you decidedly roach-less apartment, so I got us new furniture. Just wait until you see the hammock. I figured it could double as a sex swing!” Cougar could see the mirth in the others' eyes. These assholes were loving this.

“I have furniture,” Cougar rasped.

“Yeah, but this is _our_ apartment now, so I thought that I'd add a little of my own flavor,” Jake said, keeping his eyes wide to show off the injury Cougar had given him. Anyone who ever thought that Jake was somehow lacking in cleverness and deceit had clearly never had Jake insinuate himself into their life.

“Is this punishment for being an asshole when I'm sick?” Cougar asked, cutting through the bullshit. He wasn't going to complain if Jake wanted a new sectional or a hammock of all things. Cougar preferred his space uncluttered, but so long as no one touched his bedroom, he didn't really care.

Clay and Pooch nodded. Roque grinned at him, and Jolene just shrugged.

Cougar sighed and returned to his room. This was better than last time at least. Last time, they'd gotten Jake's niece to give him braided pig tails, and then refused to let him take them out for two days. He'd gotten harassed by everyone on base, even the Cherries.

Turning his apartment upside down seemed downright kind of them after that.

Cougar laid in bed, drinking water and reading while everyone moved furniture in the living room. Jake knocked on his door when the noise died down, not waiting for a response before stepping in. He was holding a stupid stuffed cat that Cougar had won at the local carnival with an air rifle.

“So, is Sid allowed on the bed?” Jake asked, edging toward Cougar.

Cougar rolled his eyes. Jake loved that stuffed animal. He had all sorts of toys and action figures, but he loved the cross-eyed, weird looking stuffed cat that Cougar had given him more than any of them. He waved to the space beside him because even if he said no, the cat would end up on the bed. Jake would hide him behind the pillows or under the throw blanket at the end of the bed.

“Awesome. I told him all about how great your bed is. He's gonna love it,” Jake said, bounding over Cougar, and landing with a large bounce in the center of the bed. Cougar sighed.

“You really okay with me moving in? I mean, I know we just rearranged the whole place, but if you'd rather not have a roommate...”

“I don't mind.”

“So, can I bring the TV I got us in here, so we can watch movies in bed?” Jake asked.

Cougar nodded.

“Yes! Wait here, Sid. We're gonna have a _Lord of the Rings_ marathon in ten minutes. I'll bring the snacks. You two wait right here.”

Cougar watched him go and return with a massive flat screen. “Hey Cougar, where's the outlet on this wall?” Jake asked. Cougar groaned and got off the bed to help him look. As he knelt down beside the dresser Jake spoke again. “Where do you keep your screw drivers?”

Cougar narrowed his eyes, tackling Jake onto the bed when the TV was safely on the floor. He used what little strength he'd gained back to wrestle Jake to the mattress. Jake looked up at him with a lopsided grin on his face.

“Come on, you didn't really think I don't know you keep your pots under the sink, man? I had you going so good.” he laughed.

Cougar growled even though it hurt. He'd been played. He was sick, and Jake took advantage. Cougar took back every nice thought he'd had about Jake. Cougar was not the asshole here. It was every last one of his friends. Jake had used his illness to get exactly what he wanted.

Jake easily pulled out of Cougar's hold and wrapped his arms around Cougar's waist. “Don't be cranky. You deserved it. I even did your laundry. I mean that scarf should've been burned, but I washed it for you because I'm the best. If I made you work for it, so what? You _are_ a massive asshole when you're sick. I don't even know _why_ I want to live with you.”

Cougar sighed, pressing his forehead to Jake's shoulder. “I still love you,” Jake told him, running his fingers through Cougar's hair.

“I know.”

“Yeah, you know.”

 


End file.
